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Bimbotic Bird Hater!

Ramblings of a randomness junkie

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Done...


Yesterday...was...quite... Oh well... I don't know how to describe it. I finally admitted to my feelings for that person and I have never been soooooo nervous nor scared in my life. This is the FIRST time I've ever done anything like that...I know what's done has been done but I do wonder whether it was the right thing to do.

I wrote a letter explaining my feelings. I wanted to give it to him on Thursday but couldn't bring myself to...but I really wanted to let him know. Then...decided to do it yesterday night. Wanted to do it at the end of the night...and when he went away from the dancefloor...I'd htought he had gone home and I would stand on the dancefloor all sad. But then he came back. So..then...decided to ask my friend to hand him the letter after I'd left. I can't believe I came home crying...but oh well...was a little high. Looking back at last nite, it was quite funny how everytime someone new came into my room asking me how I was I would say I was fine but burst into tears. Gawd...was so over emotional last night. BUT...I've learnt one thing from this... that I am surrounded by the sweetest friends anyone could ask for. And...I feel less depressed and anxious just knowing that they're my friends...you guys know who you are *hugZ*



Thursday, January 29, 2004

To tell or not to tell??


I just got off the phone with Aggie! We wouldn't have stopped talking if it wasn't for the voice, "The credit on your account is low" and we both heard it and so we had to hang up! :( We were talking for over two hours!! haha...We were reminiscing about the good ol PL-1 days...and after that when we were the only ones left with nothing to do. And how we always went to KLCC coz Pyramid was too far! Hee Hee...and then we were talking about what we're gonna do when I get back in summer! We're going to have a FRIENDS Marathon and a cocktail party!!! Oohhhh...this is wayyyy past fun!! I miss Malaysia...and the malls! We're also planning to do karaoke either at Red Box or a friend's place...And then we were talking about establishing our own company..which specialises in planning weddings! Ooh....and how our weddings would be...and how we don't want drunk husbands (might happen if u have a Chinese Dinner)! Haha...and we were trying to remember the tea ceremony! I wonder how we landed to babies...and how that if u tell a guy u want a baby...they get all freaked out. Haha...It's so fun catching up with college mates...

I also told her about this person who I've been having feelings for. It's different from past crushes... It's really strange...I've never felt like this before...all I wanna do is tell him...but I don't know whether to. I hafta admit...I cannot face REJECTION! It was due to past experiences...so...yes...I know it sounds very trivial and it ain't a big deal. But for me...it is... Should I take the risk or not??? He's this great guy who might just be too good for me...and I REALLY don't want to lose this special friendship by saying something stupid... I'm not even sure whether he sees me in any other way than a platonic one! What should I do?? I mean I really don't want to freak the guy out...Guys do get commitment phobias easily... *SiGh*...I wish I could work this out...I really NEED a crystal ball! I wish I could read people's minds... People say...take the risk! Take the risk...but i aint much of a risk taker... Lardeedarrrrrr! I usually never feel the urge to tell...but why do I feel like I should now?? Am I asking for a lot? If I did decide to tell...how would I say it? Someone...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE help me!!




Snowwwwwww


Woke up late as usual today!! My sleeping cycle is totally messed up! Can't wait for the weekend to arrive!! Then went to Tesco with Irene...we went to buy stuff for the 'wau' (a traditional Malay kite). While I was looking for a present...received a pleasant, unexpected call from Shaun! Hee Hee...it was nice talking to him... it's really nice catching up with old classmates! Then while I was having lunch, it was snowing!! Irene was complaining about the snow...and we walked back in the snow! I absolutely love snow!! And then when I got back gome...i started a snowball fight! Hee hee...it was fun!! And Ben was fascinated by my fascination of snow! Hee Hee...it was soooo much fun playing in the snow! And i took heaps of photos as well!!!!!! Everything's so pretty when it snows!!


Hiza and me






Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Subjectivity


I can't sleep.My mum just e-mailed me and my dad and her keep asking whether I go to church. They worry that if I don't maintain a relationship with this higher being called "God'...I am nothing. Well...my dad holds a high position in the church and as his offspring...I am a reflection of his name. This infuriates me. I'm so choked...I can't make my own decisions and I do not have the freedom to choosewhat I believe in. I have to believe in this higher being called 'God' because it is ultimately what THEY believe in.

If i don't believe and practice what the Bible says...they will have failed as parents to bring me up as a Christian...it will reflect upon their parental skills. But think about it this way, where does my CHOICE of belief enter? I'm not rebellious...believe me...you have no idea how crap I feel when I am made to think that my parents who love me so much and have sacrificed so much will be thought as failures just because their daughter (who's old enough to make her decisions) does not believe in the same things that they do. I feel terrible and worthless as a daughter...but I feel that following a religion rigidly and blindly is just as bad as analysing it and reaching the conclusion that it may not be suitable for you. At least, you would understand why that particular belief doesn't suit you. As parents, they cannot be making decisions for you throughout your life...neither should they expect you to follow it blindly or just because they did it. People make different choices in life and the outcome may not always be bad. As a human being, you should be entitled to some sort of freedom. I believe that there is an existence of a higher being but this existence is beyond that of human comprehension. I believe that we were put on this Earth to make the BEST out of our lives... I feel that sometimes...people can be too rigid towards their faith and they forget to apply the true meaning of religion to their lives because they are engrossed in enforcing that their faith is the 'correct one'. Don't get me wrong, I do think that it is necessary for people to believe and be convinced by what their faith says...but not to the extent of causing disagreements or worse, even war. In the past, religion has been used as a LAME excuse!

As for me, I believe that in such a world of different cultures, and different people, diversity of beliefs are inevitable. Values vary from place to place. What may regarded as good by one person may be regarded as offensive by another. With such diversity in interests, various groups formed to suit different beliefs and interests will emerge. Life can never be objective...humans were born to be subjective. If we were objective, how are we to form opinions about things in general...take for example the most basic thing, colours. Someone may like blue whereas someone else might like pink and dislike blue. This is an example of subjectivity. It's not something that can be proven objectively can it? Human consciousness is one of subjectivity. There is no way that one can objectify his/her thoughts or feelings.

I've been pondering...in today's society where more diversities sprout...the need for tolerance and respect for one another is crucial. Yes, opinions are inevitable and disagreements are bound to arise BUT that doesn't mean that you will have to conform to one another's belief but rather just understand that there are people different from you who think and behave differently. Just accept them for who they are...no one's perfect...we all have flaws. Imagine...would it be possible to homogenize people's beliefs? I'm very sure that without diversity...the world would be a boring person. We would all be machines churning out the same things. There would be no opinions... For me, I would have to say that coming to Britain was an interesting experience...different culture...different food...different people...different customs. Imagine if everything was the same...there would be no culture. Culture...another subjective matter!

Ok...i'm starting to digress now and I should go to bed and stop thinking! I need SLEEP!




Monday, January 26, 2004

D-E-A-D!


Woke up soooo late today!! Woke up around one....TRYING to clean up my room...it's like a tornado just hit it...then had to get ready for the SING SOC CNY dinner at Birmingham!! It was nice...nice food...nice environment...was enjoying myself UNTIL...i saw my SII seminar tutor...yup...i've laready like missed 6 of those seminars...hee hee...basically trying to hide...thought i was successful UNTIL the lucky draw...when i won the 5th prize...and i also spilt some drink on my skirt. And everyone was like shouting out...MAN was i embarassed and when i asked someone to go up...no one would go...until Kelvin went. Man was i embarassed!! And...my socio seminar tutor saw me..........SHITE! SHITE SHITE! But the food was good...but the dessert bit sucked. Was expecting chinese pancakes and peanut soup...but all they served us was sucky tangerines. Damnnn! Haha...after that we had a karaoke session. Me, Marianne, Sam, Elly, Sheena and Roy went up and sang Barbie Girl...hahahahhahahaha....it was so farnieeeee...and Roy was sooo good as Ken. hee Hee!!! Anyway...food was good...and that's all that counts...Hopefully I won't skive my SII seminar this Friday...


Sam, me and Marianne





Sunday, January 25, 2004

LONG Trip to Coventry


Woo Hoo!! Saturday! So...decided to go to Coventry with Hiza and Krystle right around 2pm... Then...went to Costcutters to get some change...man...I've never seen a slower, more inefficient cashier in my life!It was as if he had no more strength and was using the last of it to scan the bar code! Then met up with Hiza and Krystle outside Costcutters...then we saw BUS NUMBER 12! We didn't wanna wait for the next bus...and so...we bought a day saver each! So we sat...and it never occured to us that if the driver was headed for Kenilworth then Leamington that it would not head for Coventry! We did wonder why the bus ride to Coventry was soooooooo long. Then at some stop at Leamington...a girl who was about the board the bus asked whether it was going to Coventry and the bus driver said no...and the three of us were like oh shit!! Then Krystle went to ask whether it was headed for Coventry in its next route...and the bus driver said that we would have to pay for another trip...so yeah...luckily we bought a Day Saver. Well...at least we got to look around Warwickshire and we made FULL use of our ticket. The driver made a stop at Uni again and after that we were very apprehensive...kept making sure that we were headed for COVENTRY and NOT LEAMINGTON!

Reached Coventry around 4! Well...at least we reached it! Then did a bit of shopping...bought a Calvin and Hobbes comic for 3 quid which is really cheaP! After that...we went to Hiza's cousin's (Naomi) in Coventry for dinner. It was sooooooo good...had tom yam soup...Yum Yum followed by Yati's tiramisu! Mmmm....It was a VERY filling dinner!! And it was cool coz i got to watch TV and Ferhat was telling us his stories and why he hates the MAS Cabin Crew....Hee hEe!

After that we went to Skydome to watch 'Lost in Translation' and Ferhat treated us to Haagen-Daaz Ice cream...yum yum!!! Had a Vanilla Brownie ice cream and knicked some of his strawberry cheesecake...mmmmm... then went to watch LOST in TRANSLATION! Never ever watch it...me and Ferhat were nudging each other...it's so boring and i was dozing off! It's about this celebrity who's going thru a mid life crisis and goes to Tokyo for some business and he meets this young girl who's confused about life and kinda having a strained marriage...well...didnt appeal to me...

Then when I finally get back to my house...Rob tells me that there's NO hot water...how am I going to take my shower??? It'll be soooooooooooo cold.....and man is it going to be a LONG cold nite coz the radiators are down as well! Oh well...mite as well just go to bed!







Friday, January 23, 2004

Resolution #7 going down the drain



Well...didn't attend my SII seminar today...AGAIN!!!!!!!!! Feel sooo bad though I woke up with a splitting headache... But will definitely go for Legal Theory later!!!!!! Darn! oh well...We'll see how the day passes. Oh shitey whitey...gotta get ready for Legal Theory!!


Thursday, January 22, 2004

Leamington and CNY Open House!


Woke up at 12 today! Went for Legal Theory Seminar...it was alrite! Had this American seminar tutor...who had his mobile phone turned on coz his wife was going into labour anytime soon! Hee Hee...Babies coming into the world are always nice and sweet...hee hee...I want a baby!! Well...only to play with...But yea...babies are sooooooooooooooo adorable and sweet!!

Anyway...after class went to Leamington with Sam!! Initially...we were disappointed coz there werent THAT many shops...but after that when we enterd House of Frasers...we went crazeee! Hee Hee :) Saw a nice plain tube for 4 quid...but when the cashier scanned the code...her mouth dropped open...and i thought the price was exorbitant...but she was like,"ONE pound EIGHTY please" and man did i get a shock!! And she was like,"I feel as if I'm working in a market." Hee hee!

After that...went to Charles's CNY Open House. The food was not too bad...haha...saw Ang Pows...but was not given any :( This year sucks...no money...no red packs of 'luck'... hee hee... Oh well :) Quite a few people went. Looked around the house...and me and Sarah were talking about our 'future' house... Hee Hee... And we need a sensitive gay guy....hee hee... It was not bad... People were happie...and so am i!

LOOKING FORWARD TO:
Saturday 23/1/04 (Sleeping the whole day long)
Sunday 24/1/04 10 course CNY Dinner!!!!


Me, Hiza (GREEN MISFIT!), Roy and Sheena


Dina, me, Hiza, Roy and Sheena


Hiza...ermm...u can guess what she's doing!


Hiza, Charles, me, Sarah and Krystle


Wednesday, January 21, 2004

CNY Eve

Happy New Year everyone!
Gong Xi Fa Cai...Ang Pow na lai!

~Hmm...feels as if it ain't CNY... there's no reunion dinner. Usually back in M'sia...I'd just pig out! OOh... those Curry Prawns...chicken...and i can almost smell my mum's scrumptious cookies! She's one of the best bakers i know! MAN...her cornflake cookies melt in your mouth!! I miss my family too...but oh well... It ain't so bad here. Just had a steamboat dinner at Irene's sister's! Man did I stuff myself! Haha..'re-united' with Irene, Juliet, Seh Guan and Ying Ying...hee hee!

Had 2 seminars today. Tort was fine...but IPG was a real b*tch! We were meant to work in groups of 3 or 2...but i was sitting alone and i tried to contribute into this group...but they didn't acknowledge my presence...so ended up working alone... *siGh*... that really sucked! Yeah...it's kinda difficult as an international student. I wonder why...but i dont think all of them are like that...i sooooo love my housemates! He he! So glad I met them!! They're awesome people in their own ways!

Since I'm on the topic of friends...I am glad to have met people whom I can confide in anytime! I do think about these special people who have ALWAYS been there for me unconditionally and accepted me! You guys know who you are and I love you! *HugZ* I wonder how I'd get by if I didn't have any friends...especially in a foreign country! I do actually count myself lucky... :)

Haha...actually I've been quite proud of myself...set 7 New Year Resolutions and SO FAR...have managed to keep to 5!! The only ones i haven't been successful is resolution #4 (Reduce calorie intake) and resolution #5 (reduce amount of money spent on luxuries)...Damn! Hee Hee! Oh well...HOPEFULLY...I'll stick to these 5 resolutions!~

LOOKING FORWARD TO:
Soul Nation next FridaY! (WEEK 14)