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Bimbotic Bird Hater!

Ramblings of a randomness junkie

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Thoughts...

Just finished the LATEST episode of ER. One of the Emergency Dept. staff workers suffered from a stroke and the reason why he took on the job was because he wanted to work hard was to provide his daughter who is a mongoloid (Spelling??) with a better future...It just got me thinking...if I had any kids in the future...would I be able to accept him/her for whoever she/he is? I'm just afraid...i think I'm devoid of this feeling called love...I am doubting that I am capable of it. I sound selfish and all... but I have the greatest admiration and respect for parents who devote their time and love to a child who requires extra special care. Yeah...although parents are expected to love their kids unconditionally...it takes A LOT to handle such a situation and I totally respect and I think that they are absolutely wonderful...the world is populated with good people...btu somehow the bad seems to conceal the good... Haha...how random is this? I'm not saying that it's a plague to have kids who require special attention...i just think that it requires extra special care and strength on the parents' part... everyone is human... and I really hope tht if this happens to me...I won't be selfish...I hope I can thank God for blessing me with a kid...things happen for a reason i spose...Haha...Man...haha...to even haf a kid...i need a husband...and before i can haf a husband...i need a boyfriend...who am I kidding?!

Yeah...I always think that I'm doomed for spinsterhood... Maybe it's not such a bad thing...i don't know... I think I'm not girlfriend material... Everyone thinks I'm ridiculous for thinking this way...but I don't think I will ever have a relationship in my life. I'm just not dateable...I'm loud, boisterous, unlady-like, Constantly making a twat outta myself...horizontally challenged...intellectually challenged as well...lazy...boring...always expected to pull a 'Monica'... the list goes on... People always tell me to enjoy being single while I can... but I think at this point...a fling would be nice...or maybe even a relationship... i feel terribly insecure...i admit...arghh...wish i was still a kid...I miss my childhood terribly... I miss being innocent...i'm just wondering if there's anyone out there for me...oh my gawd...i'll shaddup now...



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