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Bimbotic Bird Hater!

Ramblings of a randomness junkie

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Terrible Day

Yesterday was a terrible day. Firstly...I was in a dilemma...ermm...didnt know whether to see this guy again or not. He said he had fun...but then...to me he just seemed plain bored. I know he's a sincere and genuine person...but if there's no connection...then it's no point going on right? On MSN...he told me that he wanted to say so many things to my face but he couldn't... He's such a different person on MSN... People tell me that i shouldnt go out with him because i feel sorry. But then on the other hand, others have been saying that he might open up if I give him a second chance and I might actually like him then. I still don't know what to do... Actually...I was guilt ridden because we were supposed to go out for a movie in the afternoon...but then i cancelled at the last minute... He needs to drive 45 minutes just to see me...and don't forget...yesterday was a bank holiday...and i just thought it'd be better if i spent some time studying...he seemed really upset... and as usual...I felt shite...

It was frustrating! And then later...I was viciously accused of something i didnt do by a 'friend'. I asked what I had done...but he kept on lambasting me and i couldnt take it anymore...i just hung up on him. My MSN Messenger takes a while to load...and before i could change my status to 'Away'...he sent me a message saying he was sorry but he still wouldnt explain what had brought on these accusations and then later at night...i asked whether his mind had conjured up images which led to such accusations or whether someone had told him something. He said it was the latter and he didnt want to talk about it. Oh well...I just didnt have the energy to force it out of him..

Then...got a message from Gary saying that Harvin, one of our A-Levels classmate passed away... *SigH* When I heard it...i was shocked... I just couldnt believe it. I'd never imagine it'd EVER happen to anyone from PL-1! I absolutely loved PL-1 and can't EVER imagine what it'd be like without ANY one of the 27 awesome people...Gawd...It's just so hard to believe that he's gone. Just like that...without any warning whatsoever. I know it happens to a lot of people...but never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined anyone from PL-1 gone... This is so shitty! Life is so fragile... He had so much ahead of him. I think I deserved to go more than he did... I mean there are times when i've contemplated suicide... You don't really appreaciate something until you've lost it. I wasn't exactly close to him...but still...it's just taught me that I need to appreciate life more and live it to the fullest... Life is so short...you never know when your time is up... Anyway...I just wanna say a few things...to those who I know but I don't keep in touch with...thank you for coming into my life and enriching it...to those who are still friends with me...I luv ya all to bits and I seriously don't know how I would get through each day without any of you...thank you for everything...and to the rest...live each day to the fullest...carpe diem...you never know what's ahead of you! Remember...no matter how much people put you down...you're all wonderful in your unique ways and your individuality is what sets you apart from others. You're all special in your own ways!







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